I look at you and I feel so angry
Not because of the things you did
But because you don’t understand the gravity of your decisions
I feel so sad for that girl who spent so many months, so many years grieving
I feel so sad for that girl who wanted to end her life for so long
I wonder what I would be like without you
I look at you now and I feel so much anger
I will never be able to articulate the pain you caused me
I’ve tried, and I’ve failed
I feel so sad for that girl who stopped eating, stopped drinking
I wish I could remind her of her own gravity
Most days I’m still that girl
So sad, and so empty, and so alone
Most days I feel so undeserving of anything good
Most days I feel like I’m not good enough
Most days I feel like I never will be
I sit across the table from you and I see you smile
I wonder if you know the pain you inflicted upon me
I know that you don’t
You tell me about all the pain I caused you
Somehow I end up apologizing
I guess I’m still trying to be good enough
